Taking a Pause or Moving On?
I sure as heck have been overthinking this post. The thought of whether I should explain it all in a video has crossed my mind plenty of times. And, yes, I hear you guys – I know many of you have been telling me that you miss my videos and have been wondering when I’ll upload again. I’m sorry I haven’t addressed this sooner and I’ll go ahead and apologize now for not having a concrete answer (at least not at this moment) but I did want to start letting you in.
Let’s just start slow (instead of attempting to give you a watered down version of the entire story), yeah? Good lord, it sounds like the beginning of an awkward relationship, but I am awkward so bare with me
Last Summer I went through what we’ll call an existential crisis. I didn’t try to put any type of label on it at the time but I would describe it as this unshakeable sense of What’s the point anymore? I didn’t care much about anything and I didn’t even enjoy the things I used to enjoy, as hard as I tried. I was numb.
As a result, I isolated myself because I didn’t like who I had become and I didn’t want others to be pulled into this dark space my mind was living in. I think we can see where this is going right? Isolating myself was the worst thing I could do. By Fall, I forced myself to come to my senses and tried to find the answers I was searching for by connecting with others.
One thing led to another and change happened. It was scary, and I was vulnerable, but I was excited at the prospect of something new.
The only caveat, and this is one that I had secretly feared for a long time, is that this new beginning also meant I would likely have to make some sacrifices. My YouTube channel is like my baby – those of you who have been following me since the early stages have literally seen me grow up. I will always feel a deep sense of loyalty to you guys, I want you to know that.
Hence why I was gutted, and I even kid myself to think that I’d be able to balance doing both. This isn’t impossible but the truth was, I had often wondered what life would be like if it were different. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t because I didn’t appreciate what I had but because having a fresh perspective is what keeps me going. I let that nagging feeling of What if? eat away at me for too long.
The hard truth is, life doesn’t stop for anybody. Give yourself the chance to live it intentionally and in a way that is meaningful to you – this doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
You may have noticed that I’ve started testing the waters and seeing how I can incorporate posting again without it consuming my life (I know this sounds dramatic but there’s a bit of truth to it haha). Thank you for taking the time to read this and for being so understanding. If you’d like for me to continue writing more posts like this one, please do let me know!
xoxo, Christine
Sep 01, 2017 @ 10:16:37
I love you Christine! Just do you and what makes you happy
I LOVE watching your videos and have been watching you since I was in high school (I’m now 27). Just a little post here and there on what you’ve been up to would be sufficient!
Sep 01, 2017 @ 11:48:09
Little life updates and glimpses like this one are refreshing because we all struggle with something relatable at some point in time. Find and do what is meaningful to you and makes you happy. Finding it may not be quick or easy but I applaud your courage to do something new, different, and accept new challenges.
As a looong time viewer, I also still love seeing your opinion on things, especially makeup, because you are one of the few people I know that is of similar skin tone with oily skin that I like and trust
If you ever find something great or feel like sharing those opinions, I’m sure most of us will take the content in whatever shape or form it is in (doesn’t have to be super produced with perfect lighting, backdrop, location, or even edited!).
Sep 01, 2017 @ 19:47:50
Yes, please continue to post. I enjoy reading what you write. I have been a longtime YouTube follower of yours.
Sep 02, 2017 @ 04:18:12
Hi Christine! I went through a similar experience with a job that was really important to me, and in the past year or so I had the same feelings of numbness (from articles I read = symptoms of burnout). After some time I decided to step down finally, which was a relief, but had a huge struggle with guilt and that I was letting people down. Six months on, I’m in a much better place mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.
Do what’s right for you and if you want to post, post, and if not, don’t
Take care of yourself! In the meantime I’ll continue to practice my smokey eye with your videos 
Sep 04, 2017 @ 13:55:08
MUA are such a great brand! If you ever get a chance to get one of their 25 eyeshadow palettes then definitely do. I used mine to death! So good to see you back on your blog btw!
Nov 06, 2017 @ 19:00:30
Hi Christine, I’ve been watching you videos since the beginning. Please continue to post more on your blog whenever you get a chance! I love your sense of style. Also, know that we will always support you! Good luck!
Nov 15, 2017 @ 06:23:10
Hi Christine! I have watched your videos and learnt from you many years back. I’m sorry to hear that you feel that you’ve lost your direction, but happy that you’re working hard to find a new direction. I’ve been through a low low moment before, and I know how it can feel. Good luck and I wish you all the best and happiness!
Nov 15, 2017 @ 09:12:49
(⑅◠ ◡ ◠)♡
Glad you are doing well.
Jan 21, 2018 @ 20:15:47
I am so happy I found this! I hope you are doing well. I am one of those OG subscribers that have literally watched you grow up. I remember one of your old L’Oreal HIP duo smokey eyes videos (circa 08/09) was the first beauty video I ever watched. You were the first person I subscribed to after making my own channel. I always loved your honesty and sense of humor and you are genuinely one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen – inside and out!
Watching someone for so long I have actually found myself thinking of you from time to time. There are a small handfull of girls I watch on Youtube I would love to be able to ‘know’ in real life. You are absolutely one of the top! (let me know if you’re ever in Indiana)
I do enjoy watching videos more but if this is what you enjoy doing I would love for more posts like this! <3
-Chrissy (MissChrissyful)
Feb 22, 2018 @ 19:28:55
Hi! I love and miss your videos! Please keep posting – would love to hear what you’ve been up to!
Mar 13, 2018 @ 04:48:06
I really hope you start posting again soon! Miss your videos!