I sure as heck have been overthinking this post. The thought of whether I should explain it all in a video has crossed my mind plenty of times. And, yes, I hear you guys – I know many of you have been telling me that you miss my videos and have been wondering when I’ll upload again. I’m sorry I haven’t addressed this sooner and I’ll go ahead and apologize now for not having a concrete answer (at least not at this moment) but I did want to start letting you in.
Let’s just start slow (instead of attempting to give you a watered down version of the entire story), yeah? Good lord, it sounds like the beginning of an awkward relationship, but I am awkward so bare with me
Last Summer I went through what we’ll call an existential crisis. I didn’t try to put any type of label on it at the time but I would describe it as this unshakeable sense of What’s the point anymore? I didn’t care much about anything and I didn’t even enjoy the things I used to enjoy, as hard as I tried. I was numb.
As a result, I isolated myself because I didn’t like who I had become and I didn’t want others to be pulled into this dark space my mind was living in. I think we can see where this is going right? Isolating myself was the worst thing I could do. By Fall, I forced myself to come to my senses and tried to find the answers I was searching for by connecting with others.
One thing led to another and change happened. It was scary, and I was vulnerable, but I was excited at the prospect of something new.
The only caveat, and this is one that I had secretly feared for a long time, is that this new beginning also meant I would likely have to make some sacrifices. My YouTube channel is like my baby – those of you who have been following me since the early stages have literally seen me grow up. I will always feel a deep sense of loyalty to you guys, I want you to know that.
Hence why I was gutted, and I even kid myself to think that I’d be able to balance doing both. This isn’t impossible but the truth was, I had often wondered what life would be like if it were different. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t because I didn’t appreciate what I had but because having a fresh perspective is what keeps me going. I let that nagging feeling of What if? eat away at me for too long.
The hard truth is, life doesn’t stop for anybody. Give yourself the chance to live it intentionally and in a way that is meaningful to you – this doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
You may have noticed that I’ve started testing the waters and seeing how I can incorporate posting again without it consuming my life (I know this sounds dramatic but there’s a bit of truth to it haha). Thank you for taking the time to read this and for being so understanding. If you’d like for me to continue writing more posts like this one, please do let me know!